beautiful grace....

I just watched the Passion of Christ for the first time since it being in the cinema years ago. I was overwhelmed by the intensiveness of it all. It's hard to watch and yet it's such a beautiful reminder of grace....grace given to me....completely don't deserve it....it's hard to grasp in my little mind. I don't get it and yet I do. Sometimes when I'm working with the kids and they are so annoying to me and I ask the Lord to help me to help train them up in a way that would be glorifying to the Lord, I begin to see them with God's eyes and I see their brokenness, their sin, their selfishness, their heart that wants to rebel but yet God has grace for them...He has grace for me. They are so precious in His eyes and it's my job to teach them love... love, the greatest commandment....Love...it's so hard and yet so simple. If I can just master the art of love and loving then I am done... I can go be with my Lord....it's an ongoing battle....struggle something that I may never master or understand the depth, hight, length, or any measure of my Father's love for me and others....

Lately I have been struggling with time...time spent with the Lord, time to myself, time to just sit and be in God's presence, time to pray and listen. I struggle to get out of bed. Sometimes I dream about sleeping all day  because my body feels so tired and exhausted! I feel like a sluggard.....I am. That's it...I am a sluggard. I'm lazy and my spirit is lazy. I don't have discipline. I am in such need of God's grace for my weary soul and my lazy bones. I hate it. I hate that I can't get up and breath in God's word, His presence and walk in the passionate understanding of God, His grace and His gospel...so much that it falls of my lips like honey drips from the honey comb....I desire that and long for that and live for that.....it's like that verse from Romans (I think) that talks about I do what I don't want to do and don't do what I want... I am such a human and a woman who sins every day....Jesus, take these lazy bones and pick them up....shake them....shake me and wake up my sleeping body....I am in need of your grace and your love and your addictive presence....amazing grace~ my beautiful grace giver...I am forever indebted to you.....